This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
