best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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