I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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