I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
