After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
