About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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