Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
