You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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