I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
