I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
