it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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