Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
