stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
