haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
