he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
