I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
