im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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