p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
