this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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