Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
