It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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