I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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