i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
