btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
