so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
