Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
In America we eat man semen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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