I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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