my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
