never play flip cup with pint glasses
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
