Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
