you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
