cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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