He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
