Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
