Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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