Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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