I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
