I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
