would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
