yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
