I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
