I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
