I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
