When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
