The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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