4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
