how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
