Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
