Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
