I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
