The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
