I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
