Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
