I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
