What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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